I decided I wanted to change my user name on my stuff, so I moved:

http://thestrua.livejournal.com/

Please friend me and delete this account name. I'll stick around here for awhile until things get settled back in.

^_^

The last post made me think about something. When I write stories and plays, I often feel like they take a lot longer than they do. Like, I'll have written about a character for five pages, and then suddenly it will feel like they've been there for five days instead of the hour that the story actually takes place in. So then I feel like they need to change or do something because it's been so long, but really, to the audience, it hasn't been long at all. And forget about stepping away from the computer; my mood changes and bam! how do I get back into that scene again?

I guess this is why my main characters always look schizophrenic or maniac depressive (bipolar) or something...

I guess I need to work on pacing...

...I figured I'd update. ^_^

Um, what to say. I dunno...I'm feeling not too happy today. Things are going weirdly out of control for me this semester. I'm just sorta hoping they'll upright themselves sometime soon.

I'm just a really moody person. I dunno. Has anyone else lived a day like it was a week? I feel like that most days. Like so much stuff happens in a day that your emotions and perceptions are just always changing so it feels like things have been a lot longer than they really are.

Like today for instance. I felt apprehensive waking up so early and wanting to go to class. Then I went to work, and I felt tired and just overwhelmed with a bunch of stuff I had to do. Then I went to lunch and I felt happy because I got to eat and I was doing something important (having people sign-up for a fast we're holding). Went to classes and still felt pretty good because I got good grades on tests and whatnot. Though I did panic before Japanese because I forgot to do some homework (got it done in time, though). Then I was all hurried and happy bustling around campus to hang up flyers for Newman Club's humanity awareness week. Enjoyed dinner. Became distressed about homework and general personal problems. Felt serene, then troubled as I was saying prayers. Now just tired and deflated.

See. Look at everything that happens in one day and how wildly the moods between these events change. No wonder I'm exhausted at the end of each day; it's just a roller coaster going through it.

A year is like an eternity in some respects. I think about how much I change in just a couple of months, and it amazes me that I can keep friends at this rate. My interests suddenly vary, and what I think is important and how I should act on it changes dramatically. A year ago I was watching shows and movies that now I cannot stand. It bothers me...will I ever be able to settle down at this pace?

To continue with my last post:

Japanese test sucked. Mioko put a question on there from a couple of chapters ago, plus one that we hadn't studied for, and one that was briefly on some worksheet we had done Friday. So yeah...not fun. Plus, there was a speaking component. Really not fun.

Later that evening, I went to an induction ceremony for Sigma Tau Delta. I had to read a life-changing (or favourite) passage from a book, and it was so religious-tainted that I was afraid of being considered a bit of a preacher at that point (and if you know how well religion is accepted in our English dept. here...). So I was so nervous (and hyped on caffeine due to the tea I had that afternoon) that I stumbled all over myself. Then Rachel (co-pres. of Newman Club) and I had a meeting with the members of BASIC and FCA to discuss our "Humanity Awareness Week" project which starts after Thanksgiving break. We had to think of something new to do for Thursday since our original plan suddenly got kicked around. I finally got back to the dorm at 10:15 p.m. (after being out since 6:45).

That's when I realized I might not have a person to sit at the table from 11-12 tomorrow for our Hunger Fast sign ups. Oh, and I have to make the poster and sheets tomorrow morning. This is why I should never be president of anything because I have absolutely zero organization skills. So now I'm just praying (literally and figuratively) that the girl who said she could be there will answer me before 11 tomorrow so I don't end up skipping class.

On the brighter side of life: I won a $2,500 scholarship for studying in Japan, one of my classes was canceled today, my 8 am lab is canceled, and we had a turkey dinner and pumpkin pie in the dining hall tonight. And I get to go home tomorrow.

Lord, help me make it until tomorrow...

I freaked out on Prof. Capo this morning. I submitted a play for his playwrighting class, and today we had some theatre majors (please the head of the Theatre Dept., and btw, I'm not trying to be snooty; I like spelling it -re) come in and read it. Then they got to tell me their opinions on the play and what needed to be changed.

Needless to say, both professors let me have it. Not that they were cruel, and not that I didn't need it, but it's emotionally distressing to have something you've worked fairly hard on basically shown to be a total mess. Yeah, and then after class, Prof. Capo wanted to talk with me about Religious Life on campus (I brought up the subject before class to be fair). It started out nice, then sorta dissolved into me just getting really upset about a few things I was stressed over.

Like how a lot of Newman Club will be graduating. And at the time (but now I've talked to Rachel), I thought all our choir members would be graduating. And I was upset because I was going to have to do all this stuff with only a few members.

Prof. Capo asked, "Well who's saying Newman Club needs to do all that?" And of course, it was me. I have/had all these grand plans about the club getting out and being something, and while it was comforting to come to the realization that nobody really expected me to go as far as I expected me to go, it was also a little heart wrenching to realize my presidency is mainly going to consist of member recruitment (unless we get a lot of people who suddenly start coming to meetings next year; I'm praying). I mean, I like the fellowship sorta stuff that comes with religious life, but my religious experience has never been to fall in with a bunch of religion-like-minded individuals and become best buddies or anything. Religion, to me, is about changing; oneself and the world. So I want Newman Club to get out there and do something to show we're not going to take the moral drudge that our society has fallen prey to.

I guess I'm just upset that nobody cares about what is important. Religion is important, no matter what you adhere to, yet everyone seems to think their other clubs, which involve only fun things, are more important. I'm sick of people only caring about comfort and "me, me, me!" I see our nation, which has tons of money and some of the best education the world can offer. And what does it get us?! We don't do anything but hope it benefits ourselves. How many people are in college only because that they know it will add money to their bank accounts in the future?

It's not even that everyone in the world can't agree on what needs to be changed or what doesn't at this point. There are people starving for absolutely no reason in our own country, let alone in other countries across the nation. Yet we have an obesity problem in this country (and I don't want to get into how much food gets thrown away.) There are genocides happening in other countries (and ours for that matter), and we somehow feel we can honor the Holocaust victims with a clear conscious. There are homeless people living in trash dumps. And in America, we have people spending money they don't have so they can have bigger houses.

I know there are no simple solutions; but I know if we were to put our heads together, we could figure out something. Anything. Just the effort would be enough....the good intentions would change this world.

We had a speaker on the topic a couple of weeks ago. I've begun to wonder what the point of it is. She talked about how porn objectified both men and women, setting up impossible standards for both sexes to maintain. Though the speaker was mainly talking about how women in the industry were abused, I still don't think any of it's good.

Written pornography objectifies the subjects just as much as that which is viewed. It's probably even more dangerous because people think, "Well, nobody real is being hurt." But the reader him/herself is because they begin to see sex as something different than love between two people. It becomes nothing but pleasure, and we know how society is nowadays because we only wish to satisfy the pleasure principle. Look at relationships and divorce rates.

I think it says something negative about our society that it's such a big business, and that it's so prevalent. You can find both pictures and written stories of it anywhere, and with the internet nowadays...hence the addictions.

I dunno. I'm beginning to be more and more unhappy with popular (and even counter cultural [i.e. anime]) portrayals of relationships, beauty, and sex. It's all so dehumanizing.

It'd be nice if it all just went away. Or if people started a good trend by ridding themselves of the junk they had.

(P.S. I know I'm supposed to be in bed, Marc, but I had to pray and then felt I needed to post this.)

Enjoy your world news fact for the day: http://www.theage.com.au/news/National/US-influence-disturbs-Australians/2005/03/28/1111862322062.html

1000 Australians were polled. Apparently over 50% think America presents an external threat which puts us on par with Islam fundamentalists.


The world hates us pretty bad right now.

Remember your right (and sometimes duty) to protest:

http://www.prolifepac.com/html/proliferita.htm

(P.S. I know I've virtually dissapeared from this area for awhile; sorry. I can explain individually over the next few days...)

I missed getting a flu shot today because the student e-mail failed to go out. I will have to wait until Friday to get it. Judy, the nurse practitioner, wants me to get it so that I'll have it for when I go to Japan in the spring. @_@ Odd, but she apparently doesn't want me to get sick in any way, shape, or form if she can possibly help it.

Problem is, I started coming down with something. My throat started hurting earlier this evening. I hope that since it came on so quickly, it will leave just as quickly. Been drinking plenty of tea, for sure, and planning to get rest when I can.

But I don't know that you can get a flu shot when you're sick (if this ends up persisting), so I'm not sure what Judy'll have me do...

Got home yesterday. Risa and I stopped at Krogers first, though, to see if there were these apple turnovers she remembered having when she lived in Kentucky five years ago.

They were still there. How awesome is that?

The dogs were happy to see us upon coming home, of course. I talked with Dad for awhile until Mom and Ben came home. We watched TV and chilled the rest of the night.

Today we got up late and walked around downtown to all the little craft and antique stores Mom and I like. Risa seemed to enjoy herself, though she was somewhat quite. That could just be because I'm not a very talkative person in myself, and Mom and I mostly chatted about stuff concerning our family. That's always one of the hazards of going home with someone; they're usually catching up with their families most of the time, which leaves you to observe.

Mom's so great, btw. She buys all kinds of stuff for Risa. I don't know that Risa ever has to pay for anything exta souvenir-type stuff when my Mom's around. And my Dad, who is fairly picky about what he eats, has been making food special for Risa. Like tonight, we had salmon, and he made a couple of pieces with mayonnaise, pepper, and mushrooms like Risa likes them. Of course, he made his own like usual, but still...man, and my parents have no trouble talking with her about her family and stuff like that. I kinda keep interrupting to add more detail because I feel like those details will make the conversation last longer, but I think I'm just keeping Risa from talking. So I'm going to try and interrupt less.

But my parents are great.

I'm really glad to have a room to myself, though. I've forgotten how nice it is to have some breathing room when you want to be alone. That's one of the few problems with college dorms.